What do romantic couples and business partners have in common ?
More than you might think.
Recently, I experienced something during my coaching sessions that stayed with me.
One morning, I met with a couple who had shared their lives for more than ten years. Later that same day, I worked with two business partners who had also spent over a decade building something together.
Their circumstances were very different, yet I was struck by a remarkable similarity.
They were speaking to each other, but neither seemed to feel truly heard.
Each had developed a strong perception of the other person's intentions, reactions, and behavior. Over time, those perceptions had become so familiar that they were rarely questioned.
And that was part of what kept them stuck.
When familiarity becomes an assumption
The longer we share our lives or our work with someone, the more we believe we know them.
We begin to anticipate their responses. We assign meaning to their words before they have finished speaking. Sometimes, we even stop asking questions because we are convinced we already know the answers.
But familiarity isn't always understanding.
People change. Their needs evolve. Their priorities shift. And the way we interpret their behavior may be influenced by old experiences that no longer reflect the present.
A small shift that can make a difference
The next time a conversation becomes difficult, try asking yourself:
Am I responding to what this person is actually saying, or to what I have come to expect them to say?
Then consider a simple question:
“I want to make sure I understand you. Is this what you're trying to tell me?”
It may seem like a small change, but it can interrupt an established pattern and create space for a different conversation.
Understanding doesn't require us to agree on everything. It requires us to remain open to the possibility that our interpretation may be incomplete.
Relationships need curiosity, not just history
Whether we're talking about a marriage, a long-term relationship, or a business partnership, years together don't automatically guarantee understanding.
Sometimes, the most important thing we can do is become curious about someone we think we already know.
Through my coaching work with couples, individuals, and professionals, I've seen how questioning long-held assumptions can help people reconnect, communicate differently, and move forward.
If this reflection resonates with something you're experiencing, I'd be happy to explore it with you.
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